


Journal of Ranma Saotome

by DianaBialaska



Category: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Jusenkyo (Ranma 1/2), M/M, Sexual Identity, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Female Saotome Ranma, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:39:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28757475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DianaBialaska/pseuds/DianaBialaska
Summary: Ranma Saotome has a journal that nobody must ever read...
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	Journal of Ranma Saotome

Dear Journal 

I am Ranma Saotome. A Man amongst Men according to my mom and pop. And Pop has done just about anything to beat that into me from a young age, dragging me on a training journey for over a decade, filled with training methods that I believe most would considered child abuse and child endangerment. It made me the best martial artist in the world, at least amongst others my age. I do feel that both Happosai and Cologne have so much more experience than me that they would most likely have the edge in a fight. 

Pop decided to engage me to one of the Tendou girls. A matter of honor, joining the schools. If he really cared about honor and joining the schools, the greedy bastard would not have sold me off so many times during my training journey, most often for food for himself and a bed for the night. I hate how I feel I am just a meal ticket to him. He kept me stupid and uneducated, because learning in school was a distraction from the Art. 

I only recently met my mom again. I had completely forgotten her during my long training journey. I can’t really say that the few memories that have returned are that great. Always angry or disappointed in me. These days I don’t really know what to think. As long as I am manly she will show her love and caring, but I live with this constant threat of ritual suicide after mom and pop created a contract about me having to be a Man amongst Men. I wasn’t old enough to understand the contract or even read it. I signed it with a stupid hand print. 

My first fiancé is Akane. As I was told the first day by her sister Kasumi, then she’s a nice girl and a violent maniac. That description fits very well. She can be kind and caring one minute, then the next she’ll hit me for wrongdoings she imagine. I did for a moment believe I might love her, but at best I think it’s just friendship, because I realized love feels differently. Of course she is the one I’ll most likely end up in a marriage with, because mom and pop would never even consider how I feel about it. 

My second fiancé is Ukyo or Ucchan. She was a childhood friend, though back then I thought she was a he. Mom and pops must never learn that Ucchan was my first crush, then it’s sepukku time. I enjoy talking with her, she is a good listener. But I just don’t see us ever in a marriage. Mom and pops do not approve of her, even if my pops was the one to make an agreement with Ucchan’s father. Mom does not approve of Ukyo’s choice in clothes, since she dresses as a boy, not really caring about how that is all pops fault. 

Then we have my ‘wife’, Shampoo or Xian Pu as her name is in Chinese. I defeated her while in China and after first trying to kill me because of my Jusenkyo trip, she ended up deciding we were married because I defeated her as a guy too. Mom and pop do of course not approve of her, but I just don’t really see myself as a friend or really anything to her. She’s crazy obsessed and willing to use just about any tool to win her ‘Airen’. 

I really wish I would feel something for any of them, but no, I am wired wrong and I am broken. Wish I could say it is because of Jusenkyo, but that would be a lie. Jusenkyo was the training ground that Pops dragged me to and one of the reasons we had to hide from mom for a while after returning from China. Idiot panda got kicked into the spring turning him into a half-time panda, while he then knocked me into a spring that turned me into a half-time girl. Cold water girl, hot water boy. 

I love and I hate my ‘curse’. That’s what they are called and I guess it is true. Everyone reacts so badly when they realize. My mom considered forcing me to kill myself. Pop takes advantage of it and constantly complains about how I am a weak and pathetic girl. Akane considers me a pervert for something I don’t have any control over. To Nabiki I am a money making machine. And so on. When they found out in school I suddenly became the center of attention and asked uncomfortable questions. I haven’t been able to get a normal shower in school for a while. If I changed with the girls I would be considered the schools biggest pervert, considered to be spying on them. When I change with the boys they always try to hit me with cold water, so they can get a look. 

So if there’s so much bad about the curse, why would I then love it, you might ask? Well, I could never tell anyone, I’ll have to always pretend to look for cures. But the truth is that the moment I went into that pool and saw my new body, it was like there just was something that became right. I could blame the curse itself, that it tries to make me love it, but then I’d ignore all of the years before, years where I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t say why or what felt wrong. 

I think I have been broken, wrong and perverted all of my life. I wish I knew why, I wish I could just fix it. Be this happy Man amongst Men that everyone wants me to be. Fall in love with Akane, marry her, run the dojo and then become a father. Everything would be much easier if I could just decide that myself. But even without the curse I doubt I could ever be that. I could pretend of course, live a fake life like the one I already live. 

But the truth is far worse. Ukyo was my first crush, when I thought he was a boy. And later on Ryoga, who I met in middle school. Sure we had to be rivals, because I was never raised to relate to guys in any other way. Besides, a 13 year old boy is not supposed to feel butterflies and interest in another 13 year old boy. It’s unnatural and wrong and perverted. Of course these days Ryoga would rather kill me than anything else. I have three beautiful girls all showing interest in me, yet I do not feel anything romantic. But I can never tell mom and Pop how I like boys, even if I think Pop sometimes suspects it. And well, if I told mom, there’s the contract that I failed to uphold. 

I wish I knew how to fix it all, I wish I could turn off this feeling that I should be a girl. I feel so comfortable in that body, even to the point where I give excuses in order to spend time in it. I wish I could feel as comfortable in my birth form too, but I do not.

I fear I am slipping, making mistakes, but I can’t help it. I can fool others that it is disguises, but the truth is that my growing wardrobe for my girl form does not feel so. Instead when I put on a dress or some other feminine outfit, I’ll stare into the mirror with a longing, dreaming of a world where that could just be me, be who I was on the inside. 

**Author's Note:**

> So... Been a while since my last story. Kinda got stuck trying to figure out how to continue with A New Beginning and then I just succumbed to the apathy of a corona infested world.  
> This short story was written as part of course on creative writing and as I hoped it did spark some inspiration to write again. Hoping that spark will not fade away again, but that I'll be writing a bit more from now on.


End file.
